My Razzies Ballot

For the first time, I am an official voter in the Golden Raspberry Awards!  Here's how I filled my ballot out: Worst Picture: The Last Airbender - There are bad movies that are still pretty fun to watch (Dragonball Evolution) and there's stuff like this.

Adapting fantasy for the big screen is like jumping the Grand Canyon. Just because a couple professionals pulled it off doesn't mean it's a good idea.  But the result of that jump might still be prettier than this mess.

Before a character in the Airbender world can perform any action - whether starting a fight or continuing a journey or talking to someone or picking their nose - they are required to read the Wikipedia article on the subject, aloud, to the audience.  Even their thoughts are full of explanations about things they should surely take for granted.

Now, I understand this device is sometimes inevitable.  But I at least expect the explanations to make things less confusing, rather than more.  I really had no idea what was going on for pretty much the entire film.

I don't think I need to comment on the 3D.  When the fur on someone's coat is popping out at me but the person's face is flat, I can't really get into the story much.

I defend M. Night Shyamalan.  I like his films.  Even when he doesn't wholly succeed, he has audacity.  This made The Last Airbender even more heartbreaking.

Other Worst Picture Nominees:

The Bounty Hunter - Inoffensive and uninteresting, Bounty Hunter isn't very good, but it's not that bad either.  It is exactly what it intends to be - something you can have on in the background while you canoodle your spouse.  It's really the perfect date movie if you're more interested in your date than watching a movie.  I disagree with this nomination.

Sex and the City 2 - A movie so terrible that it sparked a national discussion about racism [1] [2] and misogyny [1] [2] [3].  It seems like no one involved in production put forth much effort.  I'm quite sure they just went to the desert and started making the story up as they went along.  Come to think of it, the first full hour of the film was set in New York, but nothing that happened there affected anything that happened in Dubai

Vampires Suck - Jokes that are hilarious on a riff track aren't necessarily very funny when acted out for real.  But given the low expectations for directors Friedberg and Seltzer, let's be fair.  The set design and cinematography mimicked Twilight to a frightening degree of accuracy, Jenn Proske does a very good Kristen Stewart impression, and it's nice to see Diedrich Bader getting work, even if its here.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse - With each one of these movies, I tell myself "they're not really that bad, you just hate Twilight because that's the trendy thing to do."  And, invariably at about the 10-minute mark, I realize I was wrong.  They really are that bad.  And each time, I wonder how on earth anyone could care about these characters.  124 minutes... wow...

Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner in The Twilight Sage: Eclipse and Valentine's Day - He's really the only nominee of the five who has never, ever put in a good performance in anything.  Even on SNL he was terrible.  If he ran for Congress, I'd vote for him, because then he wouldn't have time to act.

Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart is the only nominee of the 5 who is capable of putting on a good performance.  Is her intentionally terrible Bella portrayal some sort of passive-aggressive form of rebellion?  Is she being paid off by Chicago gamblers?

All Remaining Awards: The Last Airbender. - I even voted for that poor teenage girl who was forced to narrate the whole thing.  I feel a bit guilty about that.

Now, you're probably thinking "Wow, was The Last Airbender really that bad?  I should rent it and see for myself."  Don't.  Save yourself some money and go listen to a deaf 6-year-old learn how to play the violin for two hours instead.